A beam of light
by TCTW
Summary: Set during Phineas' first winter holidays since he went to Tri-State State college. When buying Christmas presents for his family, a few unexpected things will happen to Phineas, causing him to... well, start acting strangely. These... things... might change his life.
1. Last day before holidays

So, winter holidays were nearing and I had far too many things on my mind to even think about any kind of holidays. I was having exams and stuff and I c- Oh, wait. Maybe I should introduce myself first.

Hello, whoever you are to be reading this. My name is Phineas. You've probably heard a lot about me and my stepbrother Ferb. We've done lots of crazy things we were kids, but that was a long time ago. We are now grown-up. We started going to college; Ferb went to a school in England, and I went to this Tri-State State college. So the last time we saw each other was last summer.

In the three months I've been on this college so far, I tried to make several inventions, just like when I was a kid, but it was... I don't know... it was just pointless. Not because of all the obligations, or because people didn't like it, or for being too old for it... It just didn't _feel_ right. Something was telling me there was no point in doing this. And this college... Only a few weeks since I got here, I started to feel like something, a positive force of me, was being sucked out of me, like it was just disappearing. I've been feeling just... empty. Almost lifeless. I guess that goes with growing up, turning from a boy into a man. So for my sake, and for the sake of my childhood, I decided that it was time to let go of my past. Otherwise, it would have chewed me up and spit me out like I was a chewing gum. And likely, I wouldn't have been happy ever again.

Still, there is a beam of light in all this. I finally got in a relationship with a girl I had a crush on for several years. Her name is Isabella. She's a really beautiful girl, not only from the outside, but also (and even more) from the inside. Something is just so... perfect about her. And she told me that she liked me as well. So I chose to go to the same college as she did. ... I'm so lucky to have her in my life. And we were also that lucky to share a same room at a dormitory near the college. That way, I can be with her all the time.

But that's not what a set of circumstances wanted to happen this Christmas, apparently.

On the last day before winter holidays (the day before Christmas Eve), I was still having a few exams to write. Isabella was done with exams a week earlier. The last exam was especially exhausting, given that I had four answers C in a row and three answers A in a row, and some other details that don't really matter right now.

Exhausted, I came out of the classroom. I needed something to eat. So in the canteen, I bought a sandwich, smaller than usual, so that I have some money for Christmas presents to send to my family. This meal was exceptionally delicious. Due to that, and my being stressed and trying to relax, I was eating it for whole twenty minutes.

On my way to the dormitory, the street I was walking down was decorated with Christmas-themed things and all that. Well, it had already been like that for a month. But it was still nice to see it...

In no time, I was in front of my room's door. It was locked. Like the sane person I am, I took a key from my pocket and opened it. I put my jacket right on the hanger on my right, went past the bathroom door and looked at the room.

The room was mostly clean. Only my table was messy. The TV was off and a few pictures of me and Isabella were hanging on the wall. The opened window was facing a busy street. And on one of the two beds in the room, Isabella was sleeping. She was gorgeous, as always. I stared at her in daze for a minute, and then I slowly walked towards her and crouched beside her. Then, I kissed her in the cheek.

She woke up.

"Hello, sweetie," I said gently.

"Good morning, Phineas," she said, to which I corrected her:

"It's already afternoon."

Isabella quickly lifted up from her bed and worriedly asked: "Afternoon?"

"Yeah, why do y-"

But before I finished my question, she was already in the bathroom, brushing her teeth.

So I went into the bathroom, confused, and asked her what the big deal was.

"I have to go and buy Christmas presents for my family," she answered quickly. "I can't do it tomorrow, because all the places will be crowded and I'll get stuck and end up with nothing."

I was planning on doing the same thing the next day, and I didn't really worry about whether places would be filled with people. I thought about that for a few seconds, but I still decided to do it tomorrow, and I told her: "OK." But she wasn't in the bathroom anymore. I turned around to see her already leaving the apartment, saying:

"Great, see you then", and closing the door.

I stood there, utterly confused by what had just happened, but I shook my head and turned around. Everything was still in place, except for Isabella's blanket. I fixed it and laid on my own bed. The ceiling (that I watched purposelessly whenever I was alone in a room _and_ nothing good was on TV) was not so interesting anymore, so I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. And good thing I did that, because the movie "Pulp Fiction" was just beginning.

Two and a half hours later, when the film was done, I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep. Two minutes later, someone knocked the door. I opened it, and of course, it was Isabella. She was carrying plenty of presents. I couldn't tell any of them apart. Isabella put them all on her working table. Judging by what those presents were, all of them were for members of her family.

See, Isabella wasn't intending to spend Christmas with her family, and neither was I. We were planning on spending it together, just the two of us, lying next to each other (staring at the ceiling?), watching the snow outside, have a snowball fight and enjoying the day. Yeah, wonderful...

Anyway, thanks to these gifts, somehow we stirred up a discussion on Christmas, our families, how our first three months of college were... etc. It was probably the most pleasant, most enjoyable three hours of my life. I had always felt great near Isabella, but at this certain moment, I felt... I can't describe it... I felt happy. Like I belong with her. I felt... _right..._

Evening came too fast.

"Ah," yawned Isabella, "I'm tired. I should go to sleep."

"Well then, I'll take you to bed," I said gently and kissed her armed. She blushed. And even though her bed was literally two steps away, I still escorted her there. She laid on the bed and _almost_ fell asleep.

I, however, got a crazy idea. Quietly going towards my bed, I connected my bed to hers, changed the clothes into pajamas, laid on my side and took her hand. She suddenly opened her eyes in surprise. She didn't know what to say, so I said:

"Good night, Isabella." And one second later: "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied, and then kissed me in the mouth.

We hugged each other and fell asleep together. It was the best feeling ever. And I was at peace. Quite unlike the following day...


	2. On Christmas Eve

On Christmas Eve morning, I was still sleeping peacefully next to my beautiful girlfriend. The daylight had been passing through the window for some time already. I became aware that I was breathing. That was awkward. Then I positioned myself on my back and therefore started to stare at the ceiling again. What a stupidity. I looked at the clock in front of me. It was already 7:02 AM. That meant the store I intended to visit for buying presents was opened. However, since I was still in my bed and my pajamas, feeling comfortable, I hesitated to get up for a few minutes. So I relaxed. Isabella was still sleeping peacefully.

Eventually, at 7:06, I decided it was time to get up. My left hand, however, was still under Isabella's head. I had to slowly move it away from her, so that I don't accidentally wake her up. I succeeded. I got up from the bed and started putting my clothes on. But then Isabella began to slowly open her eyes.

Her left arm was pointed in my direction. I carefully took it. She opened her eyes completely and smiled at me.

"Good morning, Phineas", she said with her beautiful voice.

"'Morning, sweetheart", I replied calmly. "Listen, I'm gonna go buy some Christmas presents, like I said yesterday, so you just lie here and don't worry about me... Sorry if I woke you up. You can still sleep if you want to."

"Thank you", said Isabella and slowly fell back asleep, with a smile on her face.

I, on the other hand, let go of her arm, took all I needed - wallet, cellphone and keys - and of course, my winter jacket, and left for the mall.

Halfway there, it occurred to me that I forgot to brush my teeth and all that, so I stood for a second. I felt a little strange about it at first, but then I thought: "Ah, who cares anymore!" and moved on. On my way to the mall, I saw a group of kids snowball fighting, two broken trucks, a broken glass of a car store and a drunk man who apparently passed out in the snow the previous night.

In time, wind started to blow, so I started to feel a bit cold. There was a bus station nearby, so I sat on it. For a quarter of an hour, I watched people in cozy coats insecurely crossing the road, a couple fighting over their child, a "normal" car being chased by a police car, and some bullies threatening and suffocating a boy as tall as a post, while the snow was being rapidly pushed by wind. Some of it was entering my eyes, and it hurt a bit.

Even though I was sitting on a bus station, I wasn't waiting for a bus. I just wanted to get a little warmer. That didn't go at all as planned. A bus did arrive, however. In a moment, I figured it would take me to the mall I was going to, so I went inside it.

When I got off the bus and looked at the mall on my left, relief came to me, but only because this meant I had passed through that stormy wind and all those horrible people. I glanced at the mall once more. And I wondered...

To be honest, a part of me did not even want to do this. For something, I was asking myself if I was doing this to make my family feel better, or solely for them to get some presents from me and not think of me as a selfish person. And I rightly feared I was becoming one. On the college I go to, the pressure put on me was unbearable from the very beginning, and none of the people I met there had any respect for me. Because of this, I was slowly losing the will to hang out with people, until I started to find human company somewhat dull, almost disgusting. Basically, I got alienated. That's why, at the mall, I wondered. "Think about it," I was telling myself, "is this worth it? You'll spend too much money just for someone else to be happy? And what will _you_ have from it? Better leave that money for yourself."

I hit myself in the forehead, in the middle of a street, for thinking that way. But I was already in front of the mall's entrance, and it had been a really, really long time (or at least it seemed that way to me) since I was last thinking about someone else and not just myself. Don't get fooled with this caring for Isabella; I only care for her because I wanted to be with her all the time. But she didn't seem to be bothered by that. Probably because she wanted to be with me too. She seemed to forgive me for being selfish. _That_ is what I admire the most about her.

The wind was becoming wilder, and snow started to fall even more. Though it was only morning, the clouds were already becoming dark. "Fine", I said to myself reluctantly and finally passed the entrance to the mall.

Inside the mall, it was a bit more... colorful. A bit merrier than on my way there. Still, it was not even close as merry as it would have seemed to me some ten years earlier, when I still hadn't known how selfish this world was and how dull I would become. But I didn't let that issue bother me at the moment. I had to concentrate on buying Christmas presents.

I had gone all over the mall twice, but I could find nothing that anyone from my family would have been pleased with, or at least what I would've been pleased with. I gave up looking for complicated things, and made it simple with four big chocolates; one for each member of my family.

But just as I was leaving that aisle in the supermarket to get to the cash register, I saw a man. He was picking some candies, too. He was wearing a big yellow coat with two black strings. He had a beard. That was all I could see of him at first, but then, he turned to me. The poker face he had before seeing me turned into a look of silent surprise. I was shocked, because even though I had never seen that man in my entire life, I knew exactly who he was.

"P... Ph... Phineas?..." he said to me, while slowly putting his hand down.

And I just looked into his face, my eyes started watering, and I asked, quietly:

"Dad?"


	3. My dad

Everything I knew about my biological father, I learned at the age of around eight, when I accidentally found some pictures of him in the house and asked my mom about him. Supposedly, he was a nice, charming man, full of love, caring, light-hearted... basically everything you would wish someone was. Mom says he was the perfect guy for her. But when I asked her why he had left us then, she told me that my father wasn't able to put up with having two children (me and my sister Candace) and an exhausting job, so he started drinking, and my mom started to dislike him for that. It eventually turned to hatred (one-sided, of course), so my father decided to leave, so he wouldn't hurt anyone else. At least that's all what my mom told me about him.

I don't blame him. Who knows, maybe I would do the same if I was him.

So, in the mall I was standing, looking at that man who looked exactly like the man I saw in those pictures. And he was looking at me. And I just felt it... It couldn't have been anyone else. And he knew me as well because... well, because he's my dad. And a triangle-shaped head is not exactly easily forgettable.

We were looking at each other for a few more seconds, and then, I smiled. Not him, it was _me_ who did it first. I hugged him and still continued to smile. I thought about what my mom told me about him and... I guess it... Nah, it didn't matter at the moment. I was glad, _happy,_ to finally meet my dad. After all, it was in his honour that I made all those inventions when I was a kid. I thought he would've been proud of me.

He hugged me too. I guess he felt the same way.

I tried to somehow begin a conversation between ourselves, but I just couldn't find the words to begin with.

"I'm... I can't... I..."

So he did it for me.

"I am happy to see you too, son. After all these years."

He looked me in the eyes. I accidentally let out a tear.

"You don't need to cry", he said and wiped out that tear.

"No, it's okay," I told him, "I was..." But I didn't finish the sentence.

"You were what?"

"Nothing, just..." I looked away in sadness, and then back at him. "I'm glad to see you."

He smiled too, and gave me a fist bump. I accepted it.

Even though my mom told me why he left us and everything, I still wanted to ask my dad the same question. I thought what mom told me just wasn't enough. I wanted to know what happened from his point of view. So I asked him.

"Why did you leave?"

"What?" he got a little confused.

"Why did you leave the family?" I said, with a little groaning inside me, gullibly expecting a different answer than the one my mom had given me. Turns out that wasn't so gullible.

"You know, Phineas," my dad started, "when two people feel deep affection to each other, it is perfectly reasonable for them to be together. To share things. To share a laugh with each other, to go out together, to visit places together. And if fate is on their side, they'll begin a new stage of their life together. But you see, the problem is with this word _fate._ Something like destiny can't be forced. You can't just jump from your everyday life to doing something you suddenly thought you are meant to do. If you do something like that, you will regret it. Sooner or later. And it will change your life."

He stopped for a second and looked down. I thought for a moment about his words and, all I can say is; every single one of them was true.

He continued:

"That is the mistake I made. I'm sorry if this will sound devastating to you, but... your mother and I weren't meant for each other. I may be the one for her, but she just wasn't the one for me. I realized it too late. And instead of ending things between us at that point, I stayed with her. She insisted. Eventually, we got married and we had two children. Your sister, and you. But... that's not what I wanted with my life. I didn't feel like it was a part of me, at all. So I explained everything to your mother. She was devastated. But I had to leave. It was for the best. Had I stayed, I would harm not only her, but you and your sister as well."

He looked me deep in the eyes once more.

"Please, forgive me", he said then.

Normally, one would expect me to be angry at him for what he did. But I wasn't. I had gone through a similar path of almost having to live on your own, losing the wish to be with people etc. So I indeed felt sorry for my dad.

I hugged him again. Yes, it looked weird; hugging a man in a yellow jacket, in the candies aisle of a supermarket, on Christmas Eve. But I didn't care what people around would think of me, and I'm quite sure neither did they care what I would think of them.

"I forgive you", I said to my dad. Then, he hugged me even more tightly.

"Thank you", he said. Now _he_ let out a tear. We were in this hug for a few seconds, and then, my dad did something interesting. He took a piece of paper and a pen out of his pocket and wrote something on it.

"Listen," he handed the paper to me, "if you ever want to visit me, you're always welcome."

I took that piece of paper and read what was on it. _14 Morgan Avenue, New York City._ I will admit I was honestly surprised to find out my dad lives in New York. I've never been there, but from all I saw about New York City, it really seems like a great place.

"Thanks", I said. He nodded and gave me another fist bump.

"Merry Christmas, son."

"Merry Christmas, dad", I said to him, smiling. And then he left.

Until I came to this mall, I didn't even think for a second that anyone I knew would even show up there at the same time as I did. And look what happened; I met someone I wanted to meet my whole life. Yes, I'll admit, I was truly _happy_ when this happened. So happy, in fact, I felt like a child again.

I waved at my dad. He waved back as he was disappearing.

I still stood there for some time. I looked at that piece of paper again. I didn't know what to do with it, so I put it in my pocket. I seriously considered visiting my dad in New York, maybe with Isabella. Those chocolates I had the whole time, I paid for them and sent them to my family by post. Terrible idea. For myself, I bought a bottle of Fanta. I came out of the mall and took a deep breath of fresh air. I was finally relaxed.

But what I came across, when I got back to my room in the dormitory, was beyond all of my expectations...


	4. A special place in my heart

Isabella was dying.

"Isabella?" I asked as I dropped my keys and came in front of her, filled with fear, worry, heartbreak, crying internally and trying to convince myself that it was all just a dream.

I have no idea what ever happened in that room when I was gone, but now, the window was opened, snow was outrageously coming inside, and Isabella... she was bleeding. Heavily. Too much blood had been spilled already when I got there, so there was no way of retrieving it all. Nor a point of doing it. I knew that if one loses this much blood, they would die, and now that was happening with the love of my life. I... I was just... standing on my knees, painfully, looking at Isabella, holding her hand. There was nothing at all I could do.

"Phineas," she finally spoke, "I won't make it."

"Please, just tell me what happened", I told her, my heart beating really fast. "I promise I'll avenge you. I'm going to kill whoever did this to you!"

"You don't need to do that", she said calmly. "It's okay. Really. Don't worry about me. Just keep living your life your way. You'll make it through. Even without me."

I couldn't believe she just said that. For the last three months, the only reason I had not ended up only with dark and soul-crashing thoughts, was because Isabella was on my side. She's the reason I didn't enrage whenever something I hated happened to me. Thanks to her, I somehow remained calm. At least somewhat sane. She was the reason I still hoped for something, anything, in life.

In the darkness that my life had become, she was a beam of light.

And now, that beam was fading. And telling me I could go on, on my own. I found that impossible.

I tried to say something, but... I was just too crushed.

"Isabella, I..."

I just couldn't find the right words to say. So I closed my eyes and leaned my head.

Suddenly, I remembered all the good times I've had with her. All the laughs, rides, adventures... everything. I came to realization that I've never had a bad moment with Isabella. Not a fight, not one awkward moment, nothing like that. Only the _good_ times. I guess it was because she loved me. Then again, I wondered; how could I not figure that out myself until she personally told me. But I didn't mind. Because I loved her too.

I finally thought up what last words to say to her.

"Isabella Garcia-Shapiro," I started as I looked her carefully in the eyes, "you are the most beautiful thing that has ever happened in my life. Your sole presence means more than the world to me. And... even if you're gone for good... I will never forget you. There may be other endless adventures in my life, other amazing things I do, or even other women I meet, but... you will always have a special place in my heart."

While I was saying this, Isabella was smiling. And I knew it was a sincere smile. I knew she felt what I said. I could see it in her beautiful eyes. She was blessed with my words. She even let out a tear.

"I love you", I finished my words.

"I love you too, Phineas", she said after me.

We kissed. It lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime.

When I looked at her again, she was slowly closing her eyes. She was lying on her bed this whole time, watching the ceiling, watching me, and myself watching her. I was still firmly holding her hand and looking her in the eyes, but I felt like I was lost in some kind of an endless desert with nothing but sand and no way out.

She let loose of my arm. Her smile disappeared. She was still looking at me, but not for too long. An ounce of hope was still left in me, that Isabella would live. That she would still see so much of the world. That I would still be with her. But that was in vain. As her hand fell off of mine, she exhaled one last time and closed her eyes for good.

She died.


	5. Devastated

_Devastated_ is, by far, too light of a word to describe how I felt seeing the love of my life die before my very eyes. Such a feeling is impossible to express in words. It's just... it felt horrible. I felt like someone plucked my heart out of me and smashed it into littlest pieces. I was... kneeling in front of a dead Isabella, crying and hugging her tightly, wishing it wasn't for real. My tears were flowing down Isabella's back, and her head was resting on my shoulder, and the other way around. All kinds of thoughts were running through my head: my sister constantly trying to bust me, Perry disappearing all the time, Isabella being with me and Ferb all the time, the rollercoaster, the 2nd dimension, etc... Now, it was all gone.

And I was left alone.

The next day, I was alone on Isabella's funeral. Yes, you read that right, _I went on a funeral on Christmas day._ That's how miserable I was. There was nothing I wanted to do that day. After the funeral, I was in my room, lying in my bed. Staring at the ceiling. I wanted to turn on the TV, but when I just took the remote, it felt too much. I glanced at Isabella's empty bed. Realizing it would forever remain empty, I cried once more. I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes.

Seconds later, I got a message on my cellphone. It was just a "Merry Christmas" from my sister, asking how Isabella and I were doing and stuff. I didn't have enough strength to respond. So I put the cellphone back on the table.

I walked up to the window and looked outside. It wasn't snowing anymore. It was now raining. Not heavily, but quite peacefully. I sighed, and put my hands in pockets, and looked down on the floor. Then, I felt something in my right pocket. I took it out. It was that piece of paper my dad gave me the previous day in the mall. I read what it said once more. _14 Morgan Avenue, New York City._ In that moment, it occurred to me that I had never in my life properly met my dad. And now I had an address that is apparently where he lives. So I sat and thought about this for a moment.

I understood that had I stayed in this room, I would just lie in my bed and cry all day. My dad, on the other hand, gave me an address in New York and told me I could go see him any time I wanted. And I really wanted to see my dad again, to speak with him some more. Plus, I always wanted to go to New York. Naturally, I made the choice.

"Well, let's go to New York, then."

I packed my things, and one picture of Isabella and me, and I rushed to the nearest train station.

"Hello, one ticket to New York, please."

I got the ticket, sat somewhere and waited. After some twenty minutes, the train arrived. It was almost empty; only three or four people were on it. I went into the nearest compartment, along with my suitcase, and had a seat. It was really comfortable. Few minutes later, the train took off. On Christmas day, I was on my way to New York.

Surprisingly enough (at least for me), during the ride, I was free of all the negative thoughts on what happened to me in the last twenty-four hours. I was just looking at the sight and thinking how beautiful it was, even under the snow. It really looked... nice. It kind of brought a little peace in me.

Soon, I arrived in New York. I was immensely amazed to see all the skyscrapers, buildings, advertisements everywhere, Central Park, Times Square, everything! I got on the top of the Empire State Building, and when I saw, by myself, the panoramic view of New York... I... Do you understand how it feels, when you finally achieve something that you have been trying to achieve for your whole life? Have you ever felt the happiness, the joy, feeling of the happiest man in the world, the feeling of nothing being able to let you down, when you did it? If you have, then you understand me, and I also understand you.

That moment, standing on the top of Empire State Building, looking at the city I wanted to see for my whole life... I felt like a winner.

But, as it always has been, when you have too much fun, it might no longer be fun. I spent almost an hour on the top of the building, and I decided there was not much more time to waste. There was still one more thing I had to do: visit my father.

So when I got back to the ground floor and exited the building, I called a taxi. One stopped for me.

"14 Morgan Avenue, please", I said to the driver as I was going into the taxi.

Fifteen minutes later, the taxi stopped. "Here we are", said the driver. I paid him his money, took my suitcase and got out of the taxi. It drove away.

I was staring at the entrance of the five-floored building in front of me. It was already evening. _14 Morgan Avenue,_ I read once more from that paper. "I guess this is it", I said out loud. I came in.

Already on the first floor did I notice a door a little different from the others. So I walked towards it. I'm so glad I did. Because what it said on it was _James Arthur Flynn, lawyer._ "Lawyer?" was my first thought. "Nice."

I knew there was a bell right next to the door. Yet I knocked. It really makes no difference.

After half a minute of waiting, I heard someone on the other side coming up to the door. I heard something fall there. And then:

"Who is it?" a male voice asked.

"It's me... Phineas."

After I said this, several locks and chains on the door were unlocked, and the door was opened.

On the other side of the door, my dad was standing.


	6. A really nice apartment

"Phineas!" my dad shouted.

"Hi, dad", I said to him as we hugged. It was really nice to see him again. I don't know why, it was just... nice.

"Merry Christmas, dad."

"Merry Christmas, son", he replied happily. "Come on in."

I rubbed my shoes off the doormat on the door, and came in. My dad's apartment looked very nice. Through the long hallway was stretched a dark-red carpet. On the left was a wardrobe, mostly with suits. On the right, there was an empty orange wall and an entrance to the bathroom.

I opened another door at the end of the hallway and saw a really fantastic living room. Three feet in front of me, there was a working table, with all kinds of books and papers on it. (And also a typewriter.) The red couch on a big green carpet, in the exact middle of the living room, was facing a fireplace left to me. The fire from it, alongside with a little reading lamp on the working table, was the only source of light in the room. But no more of it was necessary, though. Above the fireplace, a not too big plasma TV showed off. Next to the couch, there was also an armchair. On the wall opposing me, the only thing hanging was my dad's lawyer diploma, left to which was the entrance to the kitchen. Finally, on the wall on my left, the windows were showing yet another fantastic view of New York.

This place I found amusing.

"Want some ice cream?" my dad asked me, coming out of the kitchen with two bowls of ice cream, one for himself and one for me. It made no sense to me to eat ice cream on winter, so I refused it.

"OK then. More for me", he said and smiled at the ice cream.

I was still observing this room. I found it rather strange that my dad lived a life like this. After what my mom told me, plus what my dad himself said, after hearing he had been devastated to leave our family, I expected that he would barely be able to make all of his ends meet, or something like that. Instead, I was positively surprised to see him live in this cozy surrounding. I thought: "Man, this is awesome."

While I was still looking around, my dad asked me something, his mouth now full of that ice cream.

"Why on Christmas?"

"Huh?" I replied, not understanding what he meant.

"Why did you come visit me on the evening of Christmas day, barely a day after we met?"

And then, I remembered why I had done that. I wanted to get my mind off Isabella's death, to not be sad and angry all day, to not just lie in bed and cry. To forget that I have no one on my side anymore. But she was still gone. And nothing I did would bring her back. And now that my dad mentioned this... I remembered it all over again. And I was reminded of the fact that I would never see Isabella again. The very means of this trip of mine to New York was to forget all that. Apparently, it didn't work.

I knew my dad was waiting for a response, but I cried. Yes, again.

"Hey, what's wrong?" my dad sat next to me. I was still crying, so I couldn't start speaking. The thoughts of Isabella were going through my mind rapidly. There was nothing else I could concentrate myself to. I was sad. I was... honestly sad.

"Phineas, please, don't cry", my dad tried to comfort me. It was somewhat actually working. "Tell me what happened."

I stopped crying. Still looking down on the floor, I tried to retrieve my sanity. I recalled the events of the last twenty-four hours, trying not to burst into tears again. In the process, I started to feel much weaker in my heart than usually, so I made pauses every now and then, sniffing.

"Uh... My... Someone very important in my life... died. Yesterday. And today... I was on her funeral... Just me. ... Nobody else. She was a... hm... a perfect woman. ... At least for me... She was... a beam of light... I became a stupid... selfish man... I stopped trusting people... But she was still there for me. ... I really loved her... And just yesterday... On Christmas Eve, for goodness' sake... hmh..." I couldn't finish the sentence. But my dad knew what I meant. He knew I was left alone. With nobody to rely on.

So he put his ice cream down and looked me carefully in the eyes.

"It's okay, son. Look, I went through a similar thing when I left your mother. At first I thought I wouldn't make it, I would be poor and everything. But then, I found a job, and a nice apartment, and here I am, living a proper life. See, the most important thing to do, after you go through something bad in your life, is to move on. And not try to change what happened or anything, because you'll only get in more trouble. Just move on with your life. You will recover in the end. And don't be so depressed just because you lost something you loved. There are plenty of other things to be happy about."

I looked at my dad, and then at the fireplace. He was right. If I stayed like this until further notice, I would become a coward, and lose all my interest in everything. I would just stare at a ceiling for my whole life. So I accepted my dad's words.

"Thank you", I said, and I hugged him again. It was kind of ironic that a person whom I'd known for only a day gave me probably the best life advice I've ever heard.

"Great", he replied. "Now, it's late, so let's just get some sleep and tomorrow, we'll meet properly and we'll go somewhere to eat. What do you say?"

"Sounds great."

"Alright then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, dad", I said to him as he went to his room.

I looked around once more to see this apartment.

"This is a great place", I thought to myself. "If only Isabella was to see this..."

I sighed. But then, I lied back on the couch and fell asleep instantly.


	7. A beam of light

For a long time in my life, I didn't really think that one could change too much over a lifetime. No, seriously, I've never thought about it. But what I learned on St. Stephen, having spent the whole day with my dad, having experienced what we did - made me change my mind completely about it.

Because that day, I realized that one bad day is enough to turn a completely sane man into a completely insane man.

Oh, and no, I'm not talking about myself; I had already been down and feeling awful, as you know. Stuff happened to my dad. Stuff that... well, changed him. And me as well.

So, on the morning of St. Stephen's day, I was lying in that couch in front of the fireplace. I can tell you it was really comfortable. The fire was off, there was really no need for it at 6:30 AM.

And yes, that's about the time I woke up. My dad was still sleeping, in his own room. By the way, no, I didn't bother sleeping on the couch, because at the time, all I needed was just a place to sleep. So, anyway, I woke up too early and I didn't know what to do. I looked up at the TV, but I didn't turn it on, so I don't wake up my dad. I removed the blanket and looked around. I got up and silently walked up to the kitchen. I drank a glass of water and then opened the fridge. There wasn't too much food in the fridge. But not too little, either. There was an opened butter, a few pieces of salami, a half-empty box of eggs, some apple juice and some cheese. I looked at my dad's bedroom door, worriedly.

"I hope he won't mind", I thought. So I made myself a sandwich, using salami, cheese and a piece of bread that was standing next to the sink. I also poured myself some of that apple juice.

While eating, I was looking through the window, at the beautiful sunrise of New York. Like any sunrise, this one was also enjoyable and stuff. It was nice to see people walking down the streets this early in the morning. Oh, and also breathing that fresh morning air. It felt great.

And the sandwich and juice were fantastic.

I was looking at the fabulous streets of New York covered in snow. The sun was now shining, wasn't snowing anymore. In time, the sun rose up greatly, but then, it started to snow again. I drank an ounce of the apple juice and sighed. It was wonderful.

Then, out of his bedroom, came out my dad, with signs of a headache. Only signs, though. In truth, he was just not sleeping well.

"Uh, my back... Oh, hi, Phineas."

"Morning, dad", I replied.

"How are you doing, son?"

"Good, thanks. You?"

"Great," my dad said, "well, actually, my bed isn't really good for me. Hm, I should've changed it a while ago. But otherwise, I'm great."

He went to the bathroom, while I remained in front of the window, eating my sandwich and watching the city. In no time, there was a traffic jam on Morgan Avenue. Also, it stopped snowing. I sighed again and sat back on the couch. I turned on the TV, only to see nothing interesting on it. So I turned it off. Then, I looked at the fireplace. It was still off. But for a few seconds, it seemed really interesting to me. Just for a moment, the bricks, to me, were astonishing. But then - "Wait, what?" - I shook my head. "Whatever that just was", I said to myself.

My dad came out of the bathroom, wearing jeans and a white shirt. His hair was almost shiny.

"So, where would you like us to go? There is a Starbucks nearby, so if you wanna go there..."

"Okay", I replied curiously, never having been in Starbucks.

"Great. I'll take my coat." He rushed into the hallway, while I got up from the couch and put on my shoes. From outside the window, a sneeze was heard.

I approached my dad at the hallway. He was now in a coat, and also a small black hat on his head.

"Let me just take my keys and we can go."

And so he did. And we were out of the apartment.

When we exited the whole building, I properly saw this street covered in snow. At that very moment, I felt different. I just felt... like it's completely fine that the street looks _exactly_ the way it did. Everything seemed at the place, not too much of cars, people, anything. But neither too little. Just like the fridge. It simply felt... _right._

The nearest Starbucks was just across the street. Since there was no pedestrian crossing there, we waited until no car was passing, to cross the street, running lightly.

Inside this Starbucks, there were around a dozen people sitting at the tables and chatting. The smell was charming, and the floor was clean. My dad and I approached a pretty woman at the cash register.

"Morning, James", said the woman, obviously speaking to my dad.

"Hi, Melanie", he replied. I was confused that those two were referring to each other by names, but then it occurred to me that my dad was probably a frequent visitor of Starbucks.

"As usual?" Melanie asked.

"Twice," my dad said, "one more for my son."

And he tapped my shoulder. And I felt embarrassed. And I wanted to bury myself alive in a nearest cemetery. But it only lasted for half a second until Melanie said: "OK." and left. When she left, I looked around to find a table for two. I found one very quickly. I smiled, but no one noticed. By that time, Melanie had come back with two large black coffees. "Wait, what?" my first thought was. I've never tried coffee in my entire life, and to be honest, I never even _wanted_ to try it. And now, my dad was holding two cups of coffee, of which one was for me. And I was a bit confused. My mind almost started to rush again.

"Wait," I said to myself, "let's not get dizzy again. Let's sit first."

So I sat on that table, and my dad sat opposed to me. A moment later, I didn't feel dizzy anymore, but this coffee was in front of me. I stared at it dumbly, while my dad was already drinking his.

"What," he asked when he noticed me not drinking what he ordered for me, "you've never drunk coffee?"

I looked at him, a little less dumbly, and answered with a little hesitation:

"No."

"Well, there's always a first time", he replied optimistically. He drank again.

I looked at my coffee, and figured out it was coming colder. "Fine", I thought to myself, took the cup, and drank a little from it.

It was magical. That taste literally filled my heart and brain. It was a perfect thing to taste on a winter morning. I instantly felt better. And it instantly felt nicer to watch it snow outside while in a cozy little building.

I looked at my dad, and then at the coffee, and then back at him. "This is fantastic", I told him.

"Told you", he said with a smile and looked away, finishing his coffee.

I sighed and leaned back on my seat. This was nice. Sitting, drinking coffee, spending time with my dad... It was great.

Then, he came up with something.

"Listen, Phineas," he started with a more serious tone, "if you need help getting over what you last night told me about, I can help you."

I looked at him. Isabella's death was on the edge of my mind at the moment, but now that he mentioned it again, it was beginning to penetrate it. I knew I could do nothing to prevent this from happening, and it would most certainly be disgraceful, even for me, to act like nothing happened when I came back to college, so I responded:

"Yeah...?"

"Come with me."

He stood up and went towards the exit. I stood up as well, took my cup of coffee and followed him. Once on the street, he grabbed my arm and dragged me into a nearby alley.

There, my dad first looked around to ensure nobody was seeing us. Then, he held my shoulder.

"Okay, first of all," he then pulled some kind of a letter and gave it to me, "merry Christmas once more."

I decided to open that letter later, so I put it in my pocket.

"Now, listen very carefully", said my dad, his hand still being on my shoulder. "Recently, I discovered something that I should probably not know of. And I think somebody is after me. See, what I found is something I'd say supernatural, something that can't be explained with physics or maths or anything. And those who created it gave a very valuable meaning to it. That's why they are chasing me. And I don't even need that thing they created. But from what I heard from you last night, you led me to believe that what I found would be much more useful in your hands than it could ever be in mine. So I want to give it to you."

He reached for his right pocket, but before that, he reminded me of one more thing.

"But use it very wisely... because you can only use it once. And please, don't ask me how I know all this."

And then he took something out of his right pocket. Out of nowhere, a beam of light appeared. I was shocked and surprised to see something this strange, even though I've seen (even made!) much crazier things when I was a kid. This beam of light was controllably moving around that thing my dad was holding in his hand, so I couldn't see what it was. But I wasn't blinded by it, somehow. Still, I couldn't properly see what my dad was holding.

"What is that?" I asked him, wondering as if I had never wondered in my life. And my dad simply answered:

"Anything you want it to be."

And he handed that thing to me. So I took it.

I was still staring, confusedly, at this thing he gave me. I asked myself what that thing was supposed to be. I didn't understand this at all.

"Quick, put it in your pocket", my dad suggested me. And so I did, because it would be a little weird, walking around the street with a strange, undefined thing in your hand.

I stared at the floor for some time, my mouth open and my mind being completely confused. I turned my head up to ask my dad one more thing.

But he was nowhere to be seen anymore.

"Dad?" I asked, but it was most certainly not loud enough and I was still in an alley. So I got back on the street and yelled once more: "Dad?!"

But no one turned towards me. I went back to Starbucks and looked all around the place. But except for that Melanie, no face was familiar to me.

I was seriously worried now. I ran back to the building and to the entrance to his apartment. I rang the bell three times and knocked far too many times, but no reply whatsoever was heard.

For a moment, my soul froze. I went out of the building. I wasn't so shocked. I was more... confused. I looked at the whole street and wanted to shout again, for any kind of response, but I realized it was no use doing it.

He was gone.


	8. Dragged in a toilet

I panicked. A lot. Where on earth did my dad go? What just happened? How did he disappear so quickly? How could I not see him leave after just one second of distraction? So many questions, and not one answer... And of course, what was that thing he gave me?!

"Calm down, Phineas", I said to myself as I finally managed to stay in one place in the middle of Morgan Avenue, looking extremely stupid. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and opened them. I still had some money left with me.

"Wait a second," a new thought arose inside my mind, "what if he just saw those people from whom he took this thing? And so, he ran away... They could be anywhere right now..."

I looked around, but unlike just a few minutes earlier, I carefully observed every single person who passed by me. Really carefully. But none of them looked in any way more intriguing than anyone else; all of them were in blue, white or black coats, some of them wearing hats and a few even reading newspapers. No one seemed at all suspicious nor friendly.

I thought about those weird people again and got scared. This was a serious issue, you know. My dad stole something completely weird, strange, artificial, and gave it to me, told me he took it from some people and then ran away! I mean, what was all that? What was I supposed to do with this?! Did those "people" find out? Are they really after my dad? _Are they after me?_

I turned left. And I walked as fast as possible. Not ran, just walked real fast. At that moment, I wasn't really sure why I was doing it. Still holding that weird thing tightly in my pocket and my heart beating rapidly, I was still careful about every single person who would pass by me. I crashed with too many of them in the process.

When I got to the first big intersection, I looked left and right, but didn't cross the road. I turned back to see if anyone was following me. In meanwhile, wind began blowing. More heavily than I had ever felt it in my life. It was literally pushing me to my left. I resisted poorly, but the thing in my pocket was still safe.

Then - I fell down some stairs. Almost broke my nose, hit my knee really hard and almost lost a finger, but I was alright. For a second, I was lying on the floor, but I got up to not look like a dork. I glanced around. Opposed to the stairs were three ticket booths, left and right to them were some kind of passages, painted in blue. People were constantly going in and out of them. On one side of the stairs was a small store, probably for food and all that, and right next to me was a toilet.

"Oh," I said out loud, "it's a subway station." But luckily, no one heard me. The thing, which was accidentally dropped out from my pocket, I picked up and put it back in.

And then suddenly, a hand grabbed my coat and I found myself in the aforementioned toilet. I fell on my butt and felt pain. "Ouch!" I shouted.

I looked around to see who dragged me into the toilet, but no one was there. The next moment, there was! In front of me was standing a bald man with a calm face, dressed in something ancient, I guess... I had no idea who he was, but he was looking at me in a far too friendly way.

"Are you alright?" the man asked, with an _Indian_ accent!

And I didn't quite know if I was doing alright. My girlfriend had died; my dad, whom I only knew for two days, had disappeared one day after Christmas, and I myself just got dragged into a toilet by an Indian guy.

"Yeah..." I lied to him.

"I reckon you're wondering why I dragged you to a toilet in a subway station", said the man, being completely and utterly right. "Well, long story short," he finished what he wanted to say, "I made that thing you're holding in your hand."


	9. Still in that toilet

"What?!" I shouted at the man. I had never been more confused in my life.

"Let me explain this all to you," he said very calmly, "a long time ago, my son wanted to have luck in his life, because everything he did, he thought was wrong. He thought nothing in his life was going the way he wanted it to. Not one single thing. I was telling him his suffering would be for the best one day, but he didn't believe me. Over time, his displeasure with life became sadness, and then sadness turned into anger. One day, he got sick of everything being wrong for him. He found a cliff... and... he jumped off it. I came to stop him... but it was too late. He was dead."

I carefully listened to this man, and I felt compassion. Yes, it's kinda awful when you see your soulmate dying, but witnessing your own child throw himself to death... that's much more heartbreaking. And I mean, much more.

"But what does it have to do with the shiny thing in my pocket?" I wondered the next moment.

"Saddened by this," the man continued, "I started to collect all plants, creatures and things claimed to have magical effects all around the world, in an attempt to create this supernatural substance that would allow its user to have anything he wants. Unfortunately, I overlooked something. Instead of useful at all times, as I thought I made it, it can only be used once to get one what they want. And then it disappears."

He looked me deep in the eyes, as if he had wanted to scare me. If he did want that, well then, he made it. I almost pooped my pants knowing that the true owner of the thing my dad stole was standing right in front of me. And there was absolutely nothing I could do against him. I wondered, not if he did want to kill me, but already _how_ he wanted to kill me.

But when he said: "So use it very well, because you truly never know when you'll need it the most," I felt like I lost half my weight. So in relief, I sighed and closed my eyes. When I opened them back - the man wasn't there.

I looked around the toilet, but then I thought: "Wait, why am I searching for that guy?" and ran away from the toilet as fast as possible. I found myself on the subway station again. Everything still seemed normal. People going in and out, stairs, doors... yeah.

But as I turned my head right, I saw a group of men dressed just the same as the maniac I was just talking to in the toilet. And, as if it itself wasn't shocking enough that they looked me in extreme anger as if to attack me any moment - they were also holding my beaten-up dad.


	10. The chase

I watched this scene, horrified by what I saw. For a very few seconds, fear rose in my heart, my stomach went straight down, and I couldn't even blink. I knew those men were looking for this beam of light I had. I just knew. I swallowed my saliva, still nervously looking at those men and breathing really slowly...

And then I ran. Too fast, too far. Climbed back up the stairs, and pretended I was Usain Bolt. But the men - they were right after me. I couldn't run any faster, so after some ten seconds, I suddenly turned right. One of them tried to jump on me, but he missed. I looked back, and the others were all rushing towards me. I continued to run, purposely stepping on the defeated one's face.

But the faster I ran, the faster they did. I sped up a little. While running, I asked myself what those people were supposed to do with this beam of light I was possessing. Two seconds later, I concluded whatever their intention was, they had to kill me to get that thing.

And that's when a bus almost hit me at yet another crossing. I stopped rapidly. So did the men for a brief moment, but already the next, they were back to running. I entered the bus fast, so I could escape them. So I did, for a moment. But, another one of the men rushed into the bus through the window. The eight people in the bus got rightly frightened. But the driver saw nothing of it, so he drove like nothing happened.

The man whom I faced was no taller than me, but much skinnier. He was wearing almost the same clothes as the dude I met in the toilet. This one was looking at me in real fury. I swallowed saliva once again, completely ignorant of how I was supposed to survive this. And then, my dear friends - then, this man did something impossible. He stretched out his hand towards me. I was confused, but then, something came out of it, and before I could identify what was, it hit me so hard that I flew back and hit my head on the bus door. Because of this, the door accidentally opened. Not able to maintain my balance anymore, I fell right out of the bus and into the nearest bushes. And also unconscious.

When I woke up, it was late at night. I struggled a little to get out of the bushes, and go back to the street. I was still in the centre, but not one person was around. Anywhere! I sighed and covered my face with my hand.

For no particular reason, I started to walk around the streets. Eventually, I came to the subway station where this all began.

"What happened?" I asked myself, even though I knew perfectly what had happened there.

It was late at night, so I knew no one was there. Therefore, I went back down the stairs and looked around. It was quiet. Peaceful. Only that some lights were still on. I looked at the toilet - and what I saw there frightened me. My dad was lying in the toilet, with blood spilled all around him.

I rushed into the toilet, but what for? I knew he was dead right when I saw this. And I knew who did that. I held his head and... I just didn't know what to do.

I cried. And cried. And cried for a little more.

Then, I heard a sound of something falling to the ground, and I thought in panic that if someone was to find me here, they would think I killed my dad. And we know that it wasn't the case, so I ran away, back to the street.

"I finally find my biological father after nineteen years, and two days later, he's dead?! Why? Why must this shit happen to me? **WHY?!"** I yelled out loud, in anger and sadness, but knowing that no one would care to even hear me, let alone listen to me.

I closed my eyes. And opened them. I put my hands in my pockets and only then did I remember the beam of light. Thankfully, it was still in my pocket. I pulled it out and _tried_ to look at it, but it was still shining in that weird way. I recalled my dad telling me to use this thing very carefully. "Bullshit," I thought, "it's of no use." So I threw it in the snow and went away.

And then, out of complete sudden:

"It's not that simple."

I got scared to death for a moment and fell in snow. The voice that said this was really deep, but at the same time peaceful. I quickly got up from the snow to see someone I expected the least.

Isabella.


End file.
